"Depression knows no name, race, or gender...it shows up slowly and stays too long." Andrea Williams
Life has it challenges. It trials and tribulations. I remember several years ago thinking if only I gave myself to the Lord the problems of life would somehow cease to exist. Maybe that would be the answer to any pain I would experience. Maybe if I gave it all over to the Lord like the Preacher said that it would wipe away all the sins of my past (and even the sins I can't seem to stop leaving alone).
They were right...it wiped them away. But, the problems, shame, pains, and issues of my life didn't stop.
I know Saints stay with me, I'm going somewhere with this one.
So when you go through something EXTRA hard, you begin to think stupid, irrational thoughts. My moment--while I actually had more than one--seems to come around when divorce happens. I don't know what it is about the death of a family hurts me like crazy. I can grieve the death of loved ones, because I know they are going to be with the Lord. But the separation and divorce trials I guess is the upset trigger for me.
So much so that suicidal thoughts crossed my mind...
Where am I going to go? How am I going to handle this now? How did I fail this marriage? Why I love someone that I can't stand now? You go through all these emotions and you still have to work, be Mommy, and keep your head on straight while going through the most emotional rollercoaster on a DAILY basis. Trying to be strong and hold it in is a dangerous place to be emotionally.
The major factor for even thinking those thoughts were the loss of my husband and family unit as I believed it to be. The loss of love that I thought I had forever. The pain of trials and tribulations. In some odd way, the loss of my identity. Total overwhelm where I thought I wasn't strong enough to handle it. It's just too much. "Just pass me over...till my Savior Comes." Lyrics from Anthony Hamilton in "Pass Me Over."
But God. :)
You are NOT promised a life that won't have problems, trials and tribulations, and let's face it fire that burns so that you want to escape it all. You don't escape sin at all times because you are now saved and forgiven. That's almost like saying I'm a believer now, so I will kick my feet up and enjoy life.
Even Jesus suffered, was persecuted, tempted, faced rejection from people who He loved and even people who didn't even know Him! Jesus performed miracles and was doubted that He was the Savior. Jesus had to lead people who was deep in sin and loved it there. Jesus went hungry while fasting 40 days that would sure to tempt His flesh. Talk about overwhelm! Lemme grab some Scripture...
The more I read this Chapter of Matthew, the more I realize that the key is that God is WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES...even in the fire of life. I began to realize that I am forgiven, but it keeps me HUMBLE before the Lord. It reminds me that I can't do this on my own and I don't want to do life on my own. Giving your life over to God gives you the grace, love, and covering of forgiveness that you can't get from man or self. It opens up a prayer line of intimacy of the Best Friend Ever! You get the covering of the Lord who is your strong tower. You get the covering of the Holy Spirit that leads you wisely. Let's see how Jesus handles that temptation...
POWERFUL! :) What if we rebuked every negative thought that entered our mind. What if we kept standing in faith no matter how hard life gets like Jesus did. What if we held on to that word and walked in it especially when we don't feel like it? How different would your life be? How beautiful would your life be?
Trust God with all aspects of your life. Trust God with your hurt and pain even when you feel like you can no longer handle it. You are meant to be here. Your life is beauty to God-He created you! Your life is NOT in vain. God didn't create you because He had nothing else to do, HE WANTED YOU. :) Hold on to that on the days you don't feel worthy enough. Hold on to that when you feel like you are so far removed with your sin. Hold on to the Word of God when you feel like you are overwhelmed, because from what I hear...
From what I know...God's Word doesn't return Void. :)
ACTION STEPS:
1. Fire always Births Beauty. God always trades beauty for ashes. Here is some word: "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified." Isaiah 61:3 KJV
God proved this to me by restoring our marriage to even better than it was before the fire. I just look in awe. I also have scars of pain. But the joy overrides it all. The oil of beauty gives me the joy I have been searching for the whole time. You learn things in the fire that you can't learn on your own. I heard T.D. Jakes say that this morning and it's the truth times 10! :)
Your Action Step is to just TRUST the process even in the midst of it!
Don't give up! Don't shut down and build up the wall to resist love. Don't run from God to escape because God wants to help you no matter how far gone you are. It's not the end. On the other side of the fire is beauty! Get ready to see some beauty!
INSPIRED BY:
Actually two songs, one by Anthony Hamilton called "Pass Me Over," and another favorite Dru Hill in "Beauty." Support our artists by purchasing your favorites!
See you Next time Under the Myrtle Tree!
Andrea
Life has it challenges. It trials and tribulations. I remember several years ago thinking if only I gave myself to the Lord the problems of life would somehow cease to exist. Maybe that would be the answer to any pain I would experience. Maybe if I gave it all over to the Lord like the Preacher said that it would wipe away all the sins of my past (and even the sins I can't seem to stop leaving alone).
They were right...it wiped them away. But, the problems, shame, pains, and issues of my life didn't stop.
I know Saints stay with me, I'm going somewhere with this one.
So when you go through something EXTRA hard, you begin to think stupid, irrational thoughts. My moment--while I actually had more than one--seems to come around when divorce happens. I don't know what it is about the death of a family hurts me like crazy. I can grieve the death of loved ones, because I know they are going to be with the Lord. But the separation and divorce trials I guess is the upset trigger for me.
So much so that suicidal thoughts crossed my mind...
Where am I going to go? How am I going to handle this now? How did I fail this marriage? Why I love someone that I can't stand now? You go through all these emotions and you still have to work, be Mommy, and keep your head on straight while going through the most emotional rollercoaster on a DAILY basis. Trying to be strong and hold it in is a dangerous place to be emotionally.
The major factor for even thinking those thoughts were the loss of my husband and family unit as I believed it to be. The loss of love that I thought I had forever. The pain of trials and tribulations. In some odd way, the loss of my identity. Total overwhelm where I thought I wasn't strong enough to handle it. It's just too much. "Just pass me over...till my Savior Comes." Lyrics from Anthony Hamilton in "Pass Me Over."
But God. :)
You are NOT promised a life that won't have problems, trials and tribulations, and let's face it fire that burns so that you want to escape it all. You don't escape sin at all times because you are now saved and forgiven. That's almost like saying I'm a believer now, so I will kick my feet up and enjoy life.
Even Jesus suffered, was persecuted, tempted, faced rejection from people who He loved and even people who didn't even know Him! Jesus performed miracles and was doubted that He was the Savior. Jesus had to lead people who was deep in sin and loved it there. Jesus went hungry while fasting 40 days that would sure to tempt His flesh. Talk about overwhelm! Lemme grab some Scripture...
After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.
The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."
Matthew 4:2-3NIV
The more I read this Chapter of Matthew, the more I realize that the key is that God is WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES...even in the fire of life. I began to realize that I am forgiven, but it keeps me HUMBLE before the Lord. It reminds me that I can't do this on my own and I don't want to do life on my own. Giving your life over to God gives you the grace, love, and covering of forgiveness that you can't get from man or self. It opens up a prayer line of intimacy of the Best Friend Ever! You get the covering of the Lord who is your strong tower. You get the covering of the Holy Spirit that leads you wisely. Let's see how Jesus handles that temptation...
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:4 NIV
POWERFUL! :) What if we rebuked every negative thought that entered our mind. What if we kept standing in faith no matter how hard life gets like Jesus did. What if we held on to that word and walked in it especially when we don't feel like it? How different would your life be? How beautiful would your life be?
Trust God with all aspects of your life. Trust God with your hurt and pain even when you feel like you can no longer handle it. You are meant to be here. Your life is beauty to God-He created you! Your life is NOT in vain. God didn't create you because He had nothing else to do, HE WANTED YOU. :) Hold on to that on the days you don't feel worthy enough. Hold on to that when you feel like you are so far removed with your sin. Hold on to the Word of God when you feel like you are overwhelmed, because from what I hear...
From what I know...God's Word doesn't return Void. :)
ACTION STEPS:
1. Fire always Births Beauty. God always trades beauty for ashes. Here is some word: "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified." Isaiah 61:3 KJV
God proved this to me by restoring our marriage to even better than it was before the fire. I just look in awe. I also have scars of pain. But the joy overrides it all. The oil of beauty gives me the joy I have been searching for the whole time. You learn things in the fire that you can't learn on your own. I heard T.D. Jakes say that this morning and it's the truth times 10! :)
Your Action Step is to just TRUST the process even in the midst of it!
Don't give up! Don't shut down and build up the wall to resist love. Don't run from God to escape because God wants to help you no matter how far gone you are. It's not the end. On the other side of the fire is beauty! Get ready to see some beauty!
INSPIRED BY:
Actually two songs, one by Anthony Hamilton called "Pass Me Over," and another favorite Dru Hill in "Beauty." Support our artists by purchasing your favorites!
See you Next time Under the Myrtle Tree!
Andrea
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